Being a “Disciple” is defined as being a follower of Christ. In the scriptures, Christ says, “Come follow me,” over and over again. He doesn’t say, “Come follow me, only those who have never sinned.” or “Come follow me those who are perfect.” Christ simply says, “Come. Follow. Me.” It is an invitation for all of us to walk in His footsteps and to become like Him. It’s pretty simple.
I remember when I was a little girl, I was constantly afraid. All the time. I was always worried because I didn't want to disappoint God. I was afraid that I was never going to be good enough, and that when the time came, all of my flaws and imperfections would stand against me and that I would never make it back to my Father in Heaven.
You’re always told in primary to become like Him, and I lived by that, but I would get frustrated with myself because I could never seem to live UP to that standard, and it scared me.
But looking back now, it breaks my heart. Little 8-year-old me just wanted to be good enough; just wanted to feel like she was making a difference.
So many of us are like that. We are stunted in our spiritual growth because we feel like we are never good enough. I think that many of us are held back because we feel inadequate. We all have a little bit of “I want to change the world” in us. The problem is that most of us severely underestimate the power we have. Sometimes we feel small, we feel useless, like we make too many mistakes, and we start to wonder if we could make a difference even if we wanted to.
I wish I could go back and tell myself what I know now. That God never expected me to be perfect- He only expected me to try. Discipleship isn’t only for those who don’t make mistakes. God has never asked us to be perfect, nor does He expect perfection from us. It is simply unattainable in this mortal life. Being a follower of Christ is not always going to be a walk in the park. We are going to find that oftentimes we are discouraged because of our own failures, and our fears, and our imperfections, and because of things we don’t quite know or understand. But Christ never asked us to go through this life alone, and He knows that we are flawed. He understands that there are still things we have yet to learn. And when we start feel this way- like we aren’t good enough; when feelings of inadequacy sneak up on us, it’s because that’s what we are- we ARE inadequate, we’re human. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t GOOD.
I have struggled with that concept. I remember being told before I even received my mission call that trials would pop up out of nowhere, and that there would be a lot of struggles leading up to my mission. I didn’t realize how true that was until I was kneeling down beside my bed crying and praying when I was afraid that I didn’t have a strong enough testimony to be an effective missionary. For some reason, my mind was telling me that since I didn’t know everything, I was going to fail.
But I’ve had to learn that God calls inadequate people! He doesn’t call us to be His disciples because we are powerful teachers with unshakable testimonies-- He’s called us to be His hands, flaws and all, because He knows that we, in all our tainted glory, can make a difference.
Just take a look at the scriptures! We read all about people who struggled and fell, who made mistakes, and who were nowhere near perfection, yet they were still valuable in building up the kingdom of God.
Jon Jorgenson, a Christian motivational speaker, explains better than I can the impact that these everyday people had in this world. These were people, just like you and I, called of God, and imperfect. People who made mistakes and learned to grow from them.
Brother Jorgenson starts out by telling about the Wall at Jericho, the wall that seemed to be (Quote) “an impenetrable force to any army that was trying to overtake the city.” Because “before even dealing with the wall, the attacking troops would have to navigate their way across a 27 foot wide, 9 foot deep pit that lined the outer edges of the city, then there was the wall itself: a 17 foot high, 5 foot thick, pure mass of solid stone.
“If the attacking army managed to get this far without being shot down by archers, all that was left was to defeat the well-trained Canaanite army that was waiting within. This was the reality for a young leader named Joshua and his ragtag Israelite army. These Israelites who had seen an entire generation live and die while wandering through the desert were tired, hungry and facing what seemed like an impossible task, a hopeless situation.” (End Quote)
Now, this may be a reality for all of us, too. Not literally, of course, but definitely figuratively. Every single one of us has a wall in our life, a wall that stands as a barrier. “These walls of sickness, loss, divorce, addiction, guilt, they pop up all around us.” Some are small, while others are a whole lot bigger, “and the bigger the wall, the more hopeless the situation can seem.” But running into walls is just another part of life, and although it would be nice, being a disciple of Christ does not ensure that hardships and trials avoid our paths. They’re inevitable for everyone, but Christ will NEVER make us endure these trials alone. In the scriptures He tells us multiple times to lay our struggles and fears at His feet, and He will carry us after all that we have done.
Take a look at some of our Book of Mormon heroes. Nephi was incredibly faithful to Father, yet he was still bombarded with struggles, pain and difficult choices. His brothers constantly doubted him and even tried to take his life on multiple occasions. Samuel the Lamanite obeyed Heavenly Father when he was told to preach to the Nephites, and they tried everything to take his life. Joseph Smith spoke to God, and was given the very important task of restoring the fullness of the Gospel to the earth, yet he was still plagued with persecution. And through all of these tasks, God delivered these men.
Standing as a disciple of Christ is not always easy, but it always worth it.
Brother Jorgenson goes on to explain that while reading the bible, there are so many accounts of people, all who faced hard and seemingly hopeless situations. He says,
(Quote) “[In the Bible,] I cannot find a single person who walked faithfully with God without first facing a hopeless situation. Adam and Eve ruined paradise by inviting sin and death to a perfect world, a hopeless case. Joseph was betrayed by his brothers for his pride and put in prison, a hopeless case. Moses was cornered on the banks of the Red Sea with the most powerful army in the world breathing down his neck, a hopeless case. Gideon was 300 against 300,000. David stood across a valley from a blood thirsty giant. Esther was a woman trying to gain a word with a prideful king. Daniel’s roommate was a lion. His friends were thrown in an oven. Jonah sucked at his job and got stuck in a whale. Peter was a coward. Paul was imprisoned. The 5,000 had no food. Lazarus was dead. Timothy was too young. Abraham was too old. The youngest son was too stupid. The walls of Jericho were too strong and Jesus was humiliated, hung on a cross and buried in a tomb, burying all hopes of the revolution that was hoped for, for thousands of years.”
“Now, everybody was ready to close the book on these stories. The end. Game over. But if there is one thing we learn from the scriptures, it’s that, we can never place a period where God has placed a comma, because when all other options have been worn out, when circumstances couldn’t get worse, when everything else has failed, get ready, because that is exactly where God shows up. Because Joseph became second-in-command; the Red Sea parted; Gideon won without lifting a weapon; Goliath’s head was on a plate; Esther spoke and the king listened; Daniel tamed the lion; the oven felt like room temperature; Nineveh repented; Peter became the rock; Paul rejoiced; 12 basketfuls were left over; Lazarus was just kidding; Timothy built a church; Abraham built a family; the youngest son came home to a party; the walls of Jericho came tumbling down and Jesus Christ rose up in the resurrection defeating sin and death and the creation that had been marred so many years ago was now restored for all time.” (End Quote)
Christ doesn’t call qualified people to help in building up His Kingdom, and He doesn’t send out missionaries in His name because they are perfect teachers. If God wanted “ready-made excellence in preaching the gospel”, he would send angels, not 18 and 19 year old boys and girls. But he does! He calls us to be His missionaries, whether it’s out in the mission field, or in our hometown, He’s called us, all of us, “with [our] talents and [our] weaknesses.” to be His disciples. We try, and that’s all He asks of us.
Some people wonder why it isn’t easy. Why being a disciple of Christ requires SO much from us. Why God would allow trials and struggles to fill our paths if He is all-loving and all-powerful?
Elder Jeffery R. Holland answers this question so eloquently, and so powerfully, that there is no better way for me to state this than through his own words. He says:
(Quote) “I am convinced that missionary work [which includes SIMPLY being a faithful follower of Christ] is not easy because salvation is not a cheap experience. Salvation was never easy. We are The Church of Jesus Christ, this is the truth, He is our Great Eternal Head. How could we believe-how could we THINK that it would be easy for us, when it was never, EVER easy for Him?
“In turn, how could we possibly bear any moving, lasting testimony of the Atonement, if we’ve never known or felt anything of such an experience? [Yes, we are followers and disciples of Christ] But mark my word- that means we must be prepared to walk something of the path He walked, to feel something- something, A LITTLE of the pain He felt. To at least occasionally, sometime during your life, shed one of the tears of sorrow that He shed.
“Now, please don’t misunderstand. I’m not saying you have to look for sorrow, and I’m not saying that we experience anything anywhere near what Christ experienced. That would be presumptuous and frankly sacrilegious. But I believe that to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to come to repentance, to come to know something of the price that has been paid, will have to pay a token of that same price. It’ll only be a token, but I believe it has to be paid.
“For that reason I don’t believe [that being a faithful follower of Christ] has ever been easy, nor that conversion is, nor that retention is, nor that continued faithfulness in the church is. I believe it is supposed to require something of our soul.
“If Jesus could plead in the night, falling on His face, bleeding from every pore, and crying, ‘Abba, Father (Papa), remove this cup from me,’ then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. This is the living Son of the living God saying, ‘isn’t there some other way?’
“If you wonder why it isn’t easy, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot better asked it a long time ago. He asked if there wasn’t a less excruciating way. And for Him, there wasn’t. So, perhaps, for us, in token and symbolism, there won’t be an entirely easier way either.” (End Quote)
When we struggle, and when we feel like we aren’t good enough, when we doubt our own abilities...remember Christ. Remember the sacrifice He made for US, so that EVEN WHEN we are far from perfect, even when we are terrified of not measuring up, even when we falter, and mess up over and OVER again, we CAN make it back to Him. The Atonement makes forgiveness and repentance possible to EVERYONE.
I wish that I could tell 8 year old Kailey what I know now. I wish I could hug her and tell her that it doesn’t matter that she’s not the perfect follower of Christ; it doesn’t matter that she makes mistakes. All that matters is that she strives- FAITHFULLY and EARNESTLY strives - to become like Him, to walk in His ways and to be His disciple.
We have no reason to fear when we have faith, even faith the size of a mustard seed. Our Father in Heaven never asked us to go through this life alone, and He is never going to abandon us.
In the words of our wonderful Apostle, Elder Jeffery R Holland:
(Quote) “When you struggle, when you are rejected, when you are spit upon, when you are cast out, and made a hiss and a byword, you are standing shoulder to shoulder with the best life this world has ever known. The only pure and perfect missionary that ever lived. You have every reason to stand tall, and to be grateful that the Savior and Redeemer of the world knows all about your sorrows and afflictions, and that for a moment or two in your life, you will know what He went through for you.”
I have faith in God and I can testify that through everything in this life, if we hold fast to what we know, and when we refuse to let our doubt overshadow our faith, we will be blessed immeasurably. It doesn’t matter that we aren’t perfect, because once again, God has NEVER asked us to be perfect, and He doesn’t expect us to be flawless teachers, but He does expect us to come unto Him ALWAYS. That doesn’t just mean when we need help. We need God just as desperately on our good days, as we do on our bad days.
We aren’t perfect, and sometimes we’re not even good, but God will help us. My cousin recently returned from a mission in the Philippines, and this is what he told me, “As long as we give a good offering, God will accept. Because for God, it’s not about the offering. It’s about the faith it took to give the offering.”
I’ve come to find that in every single low point in my life, when I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders, and when I feel like giving up, the Lord has lifted me back up again. Every. Single. Time. In EVERY dark moment in our lives, if we lay our burdens at His feet, He WILL lift us up. Come unto Christ because He knows and He understands- He understands better than we even do.
I testify that when we give all we have towards being a true disciple of Christ, it won’t matter that we are chock-full of flaws, when we sincerely repent of our sins and walk in His light, He will count us among the faithful- as long as we give our best self. And when the time comes when we are standing before the Lord, we will hear Him say to us, “Well done, thou good and faithful servant.”
Amen.
"The Wall: A Hopeless Situation" by Jon Jorgensen, The Anima Series
"Missionary Work and The Atonement" by Elder Jeffery R. Holland, Ensign March 2001
Quinn Moreland
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